SHAMELESS by Taslima Nasreen

Author:Taslima Nasreen
Format: epub

Eleven

After she was widowed, Kiranmayee had removed her symbols of being married, but she neither dressed in white, nor gave up eating up meat or fish. Sudhamay used to say, ‘I request you not to put on a widow’s garb if I die. Be the way you are now; do all the things you like to do.’ She hadn’t honoured his wish initially, switching to white saris and a diet of boiled vegetarian food, but Suranjan came in the way. ‘I’ll leave home if you don’t stop this nonsense,’ he told her. There was no greater threat for Kiranmayee. With both her husband and Maya gone, if the last one, Suranjan, were to leave too, she would have no choice but to kill herself. And the boy was so headstrong that if he did decide to leave, Kiranmayee knew she wouldn’t have the power to stop him. So she dressed and ate normally, but insisted that her wish to perform religious rituals be granted. With so many people doing the same thing, there had to be a god somewhere, she thought. But the problem these days was that she had too much time on her hands, and she didn’t know what to do with it.

A terrifying loneliness gripped her when she was done with the chores. With advancing age, she felt increasingly alone – no one had any time for her. Suranjan spent all his time in his room, reading, tutoring his students, or with Zulekha or his other friends. Sometimes he would come into Kiranmayee’s room and throw himself down on her bed; she would stroke his back – caresses that her son accepted. Kiranmayee had taken to paan. At times he demanded one from her. Like chewing cud, she would talk of the good days left behind. All her days were in the past. Kiranmayee saw life as meaningless and redundant – how could living in this dank, sunless lane be of any use to society, her family or to herself? Neither Suranjan nor she had the pleasure of leading the life they wanted to. Kiranmayee realized that had Zulekha been a Hindu, Suranjan might have married her and brought her home. But she also had the feeling that he would have left her if he could have, though she didn’t know just why he could not do it. Possibly because nobody else would give him what he got from her. Or perhaps finding a girlfriend was not easy, especially for someone without much money. The unpleasant truth was that even love was transactional now. The poor romanced only with one another, as did the rich. But love was not bound by class distinctions, it was not uncommon for rich girls to love poor boys, or for a boy from an exceptionally wealthy family to be head over heels in love with a blind, orphaned girl. Even films and plays depicted such love stories. But those days were gone; those stories were from another era. Love was a calculated business now.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.